Monday, April 19, 2004

The Fifth Level of Phone Hell

imageI don’t know how to get out of this hell I’m in.

The phone number I have at the office used to belong to the Travel Department here on the lot. That was years ago but someone out there still prints it out on call sheets or contact lists. So at least once a day someone will call and ask me questions about restaurants in Chicago or red-eyes to NY or to complain about their seating assignment.

I can actually handle that. The number of calls over the past two years has gone down, so I feel like it might actually end someday. (It’s especially sad when someone calls to talk to Laurie and says they’re her friend and I wonder how good a friend can they be if they didn’t know she changed her number or maybe changed jobs more than two years ago.)

Right now I’m getting calls for Warren. Lots of calls for Warren. Five calls a day. From collection agencies.

Now, if you’ve ever gotten a call from a collection agency, you know how this goes, they don’t believe you. They just keep trying back at other times, hoping to trick Warren into answering the phone. It ain’t gonna happen. Warren don’t live here. (Well, if he does he might be sleeping on my yoga mat under the desk and eating my pretzels I keep in the bottom drawer.)

If the calls from real people aren’t bad enough, I get calls from computers telling me to call because of some “very serious business matter.” If I’m at my desk and I get this call, I hang up. No one wants to listen to a computer. If someone wants to talk to me, call me, don’t send a call computer to do your dirty work, lazy bastard.

I’ve tried to get my number off these lists. I’ve tried being mean and fierce. I’ve tried explaining that I just got the number, that this is a large company and I don’t know who Warren is, if he ever worked here at all. None of this seems to work, of course. I’ll just have to wait until someone gets bored chasing Warren.

It also makes me wonder if Warren isn’t out there just putting down any old made up number. Or maybe Warren is Laurie’s ex and this is his cruel joke on her only I’m caught in the middle of their vicious break-up.

Hell, maybe Warren has something against me. Maybe Warren is my enemy.

Right now, I’m giving Warren the benefit of the doubt and figure it’s the collection agencies that are the enemies. Don’t worry, Warren, I’ve got your back. They’re not getting any info out of me. Make good use of your head start.

POSTED BY Cybele AT 12:27 pm    

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During November it's all about me writing a novel. Sometimes it's about whalewatching. You know, and then there's other stuff.