Fast Fiction

I came home to find that the ants decided that the other window was just as good. And they had ALL DAY to inundate the kitchen. I’m serious, there was not a surface that didn’t have one of those little fuckers traversing it.

So, I took the dog out and while she did her business, I set to spraying at least part of the windowsill from the outside with some “bouquet fresh” ant spray. Whatever. I’m sure it’s washed away by now in the rain.

I’ve since spent the last THREE HOURS tracking every last one of them (well,that’s what they’re leading me to believe) and killing them.

Of course I’m trying to make it into a positive. As I cleaned each one of the counters off of its appliances and general clutter, I then wiped it down, waited for the ants to come back and wiped it down again. Then I applied this fruity smelling stuff that we got called “counter gloss.” Because then I’d feel like I came out of this better for it. (Besides, we’re having people over this weekend. The place should look nice.)

The big challenge, and I debated whether to print this here or not, was that they got in the coffee maker. I’m not talking on, or around, I’m talking in. In the guts of it. Not only in the reservoir where you our the water, but for some fucktabulous reason about twenty of them crammed themselves in the little water level indicator - you know, that little tube on the side that has a little float that tells you how many cups of coffee you’re making. Somehow the little bastards got in there. Gah!

So, what am I supposed to do?

I tried washing them out, but that didn’t work (well, maybe I got two out that way). So for most of the evening I have been sitting there, smacking the little tube to make them not want to be there, then shining the flashlight into the reservoir to see if that drove one or more out ... I’ve gotten about ten that I know of that way. At the moment there are still three in there, at least that I can see.

Of course, am I really going to want to drink coffee that has had ants swimming in it?

And my hesitation to blog about it is that The Man is on his way back from Detroit as I write this. I wanted to just get it all cleaned up and put the coffee maker back and have him none the wiser for it. He’d just think that I gave it a good wiping down. Alas, I can’t do that. I’m so absorbed in the challenge of getting every damn one of them out of there, I can’t possibly keep this from him. “What did you do tonight?” “Oh, sat in my ant-blind with a sniper rifle (otherwise known as a bamboo skewer).”

Just so you know, I also debated photographing my coffee maker debacle - but I thought that just made me look too sad. That I’d get boingboinged for it, and it’s definitely not something that I’d wanna be linked for.